Beyond the Badge: Rethinking School Safety Through Social-Emotional Competence

0:04 SPEAKER_00: A student is yelling. An administrator is giving directions.

0:09 SPEAKER_01: Other students are watching. A school resource officer approaches. Everyone is focused on the student.

0:18 SPEAKER_00: I want to ask a different question.

0:23 SPEAKER_01: What is happening inside the adults? Is the adult frustrated, embarrassed, angry, feeling challenged? Already assuming the student is going to be difficult? Because before we can talk about regulating student behavior, we need to talk about something we don't discuss nearly enough, adult regulation. Here's the idea I want you to remember today. De-escalation begins with the adults' ability to regulate themselves before attempting to regulate the situation.

1:05 SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Road to an Effective Classroom Environment.

1:08 SPEAKER_01: I am your host, Dr. Lashanta, known as that classy sassy consultant. This is episode two of my five-part special series, Beyond the Badge: Rethinking School Safety Through Social Emotional Competence. This series is rooted in my doctoral dissertation, The Impact of School Resource Officers Trained in Social Emotional Competencies on School Incidents of Violence. In episode one, we went beyond just talking about the uniform and we asked, What does a school resource officer really do? So we only touched a little bit.

1:47 SPEAKER_01: So throughout this five-part series, you will hear more and more about the role of the school resource officer, also known as the SRO. In the last episode, we talked about authority and relationships, and we began talking about what happens before the incident. Today we're going to dive deeper and we're going to talk about social emotional competencies. So when some educators hear SEL, their minds automatically go to students. They start asking, okay, what SEL program are you we using? What SEL lesson are students receiving?

2:29 SPEAKER_01: How are we going to teach students to manage their emotions? And those are definitely worthwhile questions. But let's flip that conversation. What about us, the adults? What happens when the adult holding the authority has strong social emotional competencies? And what happens when they don't? Because adults bring emotions into interactions too. So we're going to remove the educational jargon for just a moment. And so let's talk a little bit. Social emotional competence is about understanding yourself, managing yourself, understanding other people, building productive relationships, making thoughtful decisions, especially when circumstances become difficult.

3:21 SPEAKER_01: That's it. Think about how important those abilities are for someone who works with young people every day. Now think about how important they become for an adult who may be called into a situation precisely because something has already gone wrong. An SRO doesn't always enter the calmest moments of the school day. Neither does an administrator. Sometimes we walk into the argument. Sometimes we walk into the fight or the refusal or the threat. The student who is crying, the student who has shut down, who's pacing and yelling.

4:01 SPEAKER_01: And at those moments, the adult's emotional state enters the room too. We sometimes behave as though authority removes emotion. And it doesn't. A badge doesn't eliminate frustration. A job title doesn't eliminate anger. A master's degree doesn't eliminate assumptions. And a doctorate doesn't eliminate bias. Professional experience doesn't make anyone immune to emotional reactions. So the question isn't whether adults have emotions. The question is whether we recognize those emotions before they begin making decisions for us.

4:44 SPEAKER_00: That is self-awareness.

4:50 SPEAKER_01: So imagine a student looks at you and says, You can't tell me what to do. I want you to be honest with yourself because this has happened to me in my time in education. And this is year 30 for me. And I will be honest with you. This does not sit well when I hear that phrase, you can't tell me what to do. Sometimes I go into mama mode in my mind, and mama mode may be shown through my facial expressions. But over the years, I have done my best, tried my best to make sure that I stay calm, cool, and collected with students who make those types of comments.

5:38 SPEAKER_01: But this is something that I share with the audience is that this does not happen on a regular basis with me. Because I have learned over the years, even as a student myself, that how you talk to people and how you treat people is so very important. And that in itself can de-escalate a situation. May not de-escalate all, but it is definitely a starting point. So I'll say the statement again.

6:23 SPEAKER_01: Does your heart beat faster? Is your heart rate increasing? Do you think, oh yes, I can? And do you say it with an attitude in your head? Or maybe you even say it out loud? Do you feel disrespected? Does your voice change? Does your posture change?

6:43 SPEAKER_00: Do you move closer to the student?

6:46 SPEAKER_01: Do you suddenly feel the need to prove who is in charge? That internal reaction matters. Self-awareness means being able to recognize when you're getting frustrated, when you're feeling challenged, when you're taking this situation personally, or when you're making assumptions about the student's intentions. That doesn't mean the student's behavior is appropriate. This is important. Understanding behavior is not the same as excusing behavior. A student can be wrong, a consequence can still be necessary, and a safety intervention can still be necessary.

7:31 SPEAKER_01: But you have to understand what's happening inside of you. When you understand what's happening inside of you, you have a better chance of responding intentionally instead of reacting emotionally. There is a significant difference between a response and a reaction. A reaction says, you're not going to talk to me like that.

7:55 SPEAKER_00: A response says, What does the situation need from me right now? That's leadership.

8:04 SPEAKER_00: Awareness is only the beginning.

8:06 SPEAKER_01: It's only the beginning. Knowing you're angry doesn't help much if you still allow the anger to control what happens next. That's where self-management comes in. Can I control my tone? Can I control my facial expression? I've been told a time or two that I cannot. I try very hard. Work in progress, still improving. Can I control my body language? Can I resist matching the student's emotional intensity? Sometimes we like to match energy with energy. Can I pause before speaking?

8:44 SPEAKER_00: Can I choose not to have the last word? Oof. Can I? And so that's not even the biggest one.

8:55 SPEAKER_01: The biggest question is: can I stop interpreting every act of student defiance as a personal challenge to my authority? Whew. Sometimes the most powerful person in a conflict is the person who doesn't need to prove that they have power. Let me say this one more time. That was just too good. Let me say this one more time. Sometimes the most powerful person in a conflict is the person who doesn't need to prove that he or she has the power. If a student raises his or her voice and I raise mine, if a student moves closer and I move closer, if a student becomes sarcastic and I become sarcastic, we may now have two dysregulated people instead of one.

9:57 SPEAKER_01: That's that matching energy for energy.

10:00 SPEAKER_00: And one of us is supposed to be the adult.

10:06 SPEAKER_01: I wish I had some sound effects here and to go off some pops.

10:13 SPEAKER_00: Because that's big. One of us is supposed to be the adult.

10:21 SPEAKER_01: So let's shift from understanding ourselves to understanding other people. Social awareness asks us to recognize that behavior happens within context. A student may be angry because they feel embarrassed. A student may be refusing because they believe everyone is watching. And a student may be unusually defensive because of something that happened before he or she arrived at school. A student may perceive an adult's tone differently than the adult intended perception. A student may have previous experiences with law enforcement that influence how they respond to an SRO.

11:07 SPEAKER_01: We don't always know, and that's the point. Social awareness requires enough humility to recognize there may be information I don't have yet in this situation. That's where empathy enters the conversation. Empathy doesn't mean agreement. Empathy doesn't mean removing accountability. Empathy means I can attempt to understand another person's perspective while still maintaining my expectations.

11:48 SPEAKER_00: Those are two completely different statements.

11:55 SPEAKER_00: Now we need to address something uncomfortable, assumptions.

12:01 SPEAKER_01: Every adult brings experiences into a situation. We have memories, beliefs, expectations, patterns that we've just seen before. And sometimes we make decisions based on what we think is happening before we've actually determined what actually is happening. We may see a student's facial expression and label it disrespect. We may hear a tone and assume defiance. We may see clothing, body language, a friend group, or a previous disciplinary record and begin predicting what the student will do next.

12:39 SPEAKER_01: That's dangerous. Because once you've made that decision, once you've decided this student is a problem, you may begin to interpret everything that student does through those lens. That's why social emotional competence also requires us to examine our implicit assumptions. So ask yourself, what do I know? And then what am I assuming? Those two questions can completely change an interaction. So let's go back to the scenario that we began with, where the student is upset and all the students are watching, and the SRO has arrived on the scene.

13:27 SPEAKER_01: Now let's imagine two different approaches.

13:31 SPEAKER_00: So in the first approach, the SRO stop says, stop yelling. I said calm down. You need to listen. Do it now. Do you notice anything?

13:47 SPEAKER_01: We're telling someone who's emotionally activated to regulate themselves while potentially increasing the pressure around them. So now let's consider a totally different approach. Lower the voice, create physical space where safety allows. Reduce the audience. Use the student's name if you know it.

14:14 SPEAKER_00: Ask one clear question. Say the student's name. Let's say the student's name is Stephanie. Stephanie. Come over here with me. And then just pause.

14:31 SPEAKER_00: Then ask the question. Tell me what happened.

14:36 SPEAKER_01: Now you're gathering information. You're reducing the stimulation that's taking place. You're communicating without immediately turning the interaction into a contest of authority. Will that work every time? Of course not. We know it's not going to work every time. There is no magical phrase that guarantees de-escalation. And sometimes situations require immediate intervention. And those are those times in which threats are involved or weapons or where someone is causing bodily harm to another individual.

15:18 SPEAKER_01: In some situations, they require law enforcement action. But social emotional competence gives adults more tools to use before, during, and after those decisions. And that's the whole point is having more tools to use.

15:39 SPEAKER_01: The final competency I want to cons I want us to consider is responsible decision making. In high pressure moments, ask the question: what is my goal? Is my goal to prove the student is wrong? Is my goal to win the argument? Is my goal to is my goal immediate compliance? Do you want the student to comply right then and there? Quickly? Or is my goal safety? Because those goals don't always lead to the same response. Responsible decision making means considering consequences before taking action. So what happens if I say this?

16:26 SPEAKER_01: What happens if I move closer? What happens if I remove the audience? What happens if I give the students 30 seconds? What happens if another adult takes over? What happens if I continue this conversation right now?

16:41 SPEAKER_00: And one of the most important questions is what I'm about to do going to lower the temperature or raise it.

16:53 SPEAKER_00: Here's something that I want you to try.

16:55 SPEAKER_01: And this is for all adults that are involved in environments in which students you cater, you help, you support students. Before responding to an emotionally charged student, pause.

17:25 SPEAKER_01: Pause before reacting. Assess yourself and assess yourself, what are you feeling right now? Understand the situation. Going back to answering the questions, what do you know and what are you assuming? Select your response. What action is most likely to support safety and de-escalation? And then engage with intention. Use your words, your tone, your body language, and your authority purposefully. That's called pause. Because sometimes the few seconds we take before responding determine what happens in the next several minutes.

18:10 SPEAKER_01: So here's your reflection question for this episode. When a student becomes dysregulated, what happens to you? Not the student, but to you? What happens to your voice, to your face, your body language, your assumptions, your decision making? And if you're a school leader, here's an additional question for you. Are we training adults to manage student behavior without also training adults to manage themselves? That's worth thinking about. Social emotional competence isn't soft. It's not simply being nice, and it's not lowering expectations, and it doesn't replace appropriate safety procedures.

19:02 SPEAKER_01: Social emotional competence is the ability to understand yourself, understand others, communicate effectively, regulate emotions, maintain relationships, make thoughtful decisions, particularly when the situation becomes difficult. For an adult with authority, those competencies matter. For an adult interacting with a dysregulated young person, they matter. And for an adult responsible for school safety, he or she may matter even more.

19:41 SPEAKER_00: Or those social emotional competencies matter even more.

19:48 SPEAKER_01: So here's the statement I want you to carry with you. De-escalation begins with the adult's ability to regulate themselves before attempting to regulate the situation. Remember that connection before crisis. In episode three of Beyond the Badge, we're taking those competencies into the moment of conflict and we'll explore de-escalation over escalation when relationships become a safety strategy. What happens when the student refuses? What happens when voices rise? What happens when the authority is challenged?

20:29 SPEAKER_01: And can a relationship built long before that moment influence what happens next? I'm Dr. Lashonta, and this is the Road to an Effective Classroom Environment. Until next time, keep environments where students can learn, keep building those environments where students can learn, adults can lead, and everyone can feel safe.